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Writer's pictureJ.I.M. Kendall

Mosquito net - your best defense

Updated: Jan 7, 2020

The undeniable benefit of the mosquito net for your bed is not that it prevents a bite from an infected mosquito thus preventing the contraction of dengue or malaria. It is that the net is a barrier of all creepy, crawly, flying things that bite, sting, or are just plain Scary as Fuck! I am referring of course to the thing of which I am most terrified - big, brown spiders.



I cannot deny I am scared petrified of spiders. Literally petrified. I will be too scared to move when I see one. Occasionally I will run away as fast as I can and it's all elbows and ass holes bitch. I can say that I try my best to be understanding that not all spiders are dangerous and some are even helpful. I try to face my fear. In Vanuatu I can handle some but not all of the eight legged residents. I'm finding that I have a specific origin to my fear, the brown recluse. So that helps. Yellow, orange, or small spiders I can be around and even admire. Giant and brown - oh hell no.


When I was a kid living in Texas I had a neighbor who was bitten by the brown recluse. Its bite is necrotic - will kill the tissue. Nasty bitch. This instilled in me a fear of spiders. By the by, spiders is just one of the ways in which Texas has tried to kill me. I am not a fan.

In my twenties I was visiting a botanical garden with my boyfriend and some friends in Japan. I came face to face with the banana spider and was scared stiff. I was blocking the path and wouldn't move - so my boyfriend picked me up and moved me away. What is a banana spider? A fucking huge ass spider with giant fangs that eats birds. Ya. Birds.

So that's the basis for my fear and how I usually react. It's been some years since those encounters and I've been trying to deal with my phobia. Come to Vanuatu and I'm not doing too bad around the brightly colored but regular sized spiders. All spiders here are non-poisonous and I've actually taken to lecturing spiders in not doing their part to keep the fly population down. That's what they are good for, right? Why we are supposed to live and let live with the creepy things?


Then I come face to face with the giant brown spiders that look just like the brown recluse, only bigger. And I am petrified. It takes every bit of self control that I have to use the toilet when they're are Two in the bathroom, after which I run like mad for the safety of my house. Or to walk past one that's on my porch to get into my house. After which I lock the door, spray the threshold with bug spray barrier chanting 'FuckOffFuckOff!!', and go hide in my mosquito net with all sides tucked in.

Fucking spiders.


I had to learn the hard way the importance of tucking in the mosquito netting firmly on all sides at all times. At first I just had it hanging loose where I get in and out with most of the sides tucked in. One night during training I woke up in the middle of the night, couldn't get back to sleep, so grabbed my phone to read. I left part of the mosquito net un-tucked when I got my phone.


A little while later I hear a scratching noise near my head, sit up, turn the phone's light on my pillow - and a five inch millipede is on my pillow. These things have a venomous bite that is supposed to hurt so bad it takes morphine to kill the pain. Along with the fact that they are aggressive and think humans are prey and you have a major problem. The only way to kill them is to chop them into bits.


So I go looking for my bush knife (machete), stop along the way to kill a giant cockroach by chopping it in half, then go back to my bed. And the millipede is gone. I now have to find it, without getting bit, and chop it's venomous ass into tiny pieces. All the while going "Eww! Eww!"


About this time a friend from back home asked me how my adventure was going, and gee it must be great getting close to nature. I tell her about the millipede and she's like "Dude…" I laughed my ass off. What else can you say?

So there you go, the most important armor in your arsenal is the mosquito net. Treat it well, give it love and care, and it will protect you from all the nasties that are outside looking to get in. It won't protect you from the bed bugs - but that's another story.

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